Mark's Still Trying to Get Me to Drive a Jazzy; Thoughts About Work.

Still not going for the jazzy.

Other updates:
I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm still taking it easy because I don't want to risk further back injury, because back injuries stink.  I feel like I'm getting back to normal.  My injury feels like a big sore muscle that doesn't go away in a few days, but I'm confident it will go away in weeks, which is just fine with me, I'm not in a hurry, which is amazing, but you'll see why.

I've gone to a physical therapist three times now and will only need to go one more day before I'm discharged.  I mostly do exercises while laying on my back to build my core.  It feels good to do some exercise though.  I really do miss being able to have a good aerobic workout for at least 30 minutes most days.  The hardest part about taking it easy is that my blood sugar levels have increased because I'm not active.  I've had to make adjustments to my insulin a number of times and still struggle with it a bit.  It's been very helpful to have my CGM to detect trends and have alerts for highs (haven't had many lows) so that I can prevent greater highs. Again thanks to the scientists, doctors, nurses, computer people, grant givers and others who make my diabetes a little easier to control.

My head is still a little tender and bumpy, but what else is new?

I have had much time to ponder how I run my life, while I try to direct others to run a bit of it for me.  My boys have been so helpful to fetch things I need and complete little jobs.  I would not be able to take it easy if I didn't have my wonderful Mark to push me away from the dishwasher and laundry when I attempt to do them. Because of his example, Spencer now does the same thing.

I realize how I run a fast paced life, thinking certain things absolutely need to be done, whether they are really necessary or not, and that I can do many things at the same time if I just plan efficiently.  As I shuffle around the house I think to myself how quickly I used to be able to do things.  Mark has always told me to slow down and take some time for myself.  While I think I have been better at doing that in the last few years, in my judgement, it's also a huge part of my nature to work hard, and I derive a great deal of satisfaction from that.  I suspect I will be able to take a little more time for myself when James goes to first grade but I'm also afraid that I'll fill up the time will needless things.  I struggle with the balance of work and care for myself.  Here's what I think about the whole issue (reminder that this is what I think now, which could evolve into something else as I learn more):

• Hard work provides a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that helps me to discover my abilities and also my limitations, which helps define who I am. 
• I can choose what work I perform.  This doesn't mean that I will only choose jobs that I like because there are plenty of things that just need to be done whether I like them or not, and if I CHOOSE, I can still feel satisfied and fulfilled by doing those.  I've found that not complaining about these sorts of jobs helps my attitude toward them. Just "git r dun" and move on.
• In my estimation, choosing jobs that I like is the same thing as having "me time".  Choosing jobs that help others is "me time" augmented.  I love helping other people and having fun while doing it.  This is why I volunteer for story time at the library and volunteer at the school promoting literacy.  There are times when these jobs become busy and rushed.  This does not mean that I do not enjoy the experience.  I am just busy and rushed for the moment, but the satisfaction usually always comes with my interaction with others and with a good job finished.
• Having a "poor me" attitude about having to work, whether it's something I've been asked to do or something I've chosen that didn't turn out the way I thought it would, sours my life.  When I make a commitment to do something, even if it's not enjoyable, finishing the task brings satisfaction as well.  Also, those jobs turn out to be the best war stories to tell.  On the flip side, having a "poor me" attitude about resting is just as sour. Come to think of it a "poor me" attitude about anything at any time is souring.
• There is a time for rest and a time for work.  Too much work may make one resentful of the work itself. Too much rest breeds a lack a progress and a lack of self-esteem.  And living in a grass-is-greener world is constant unsatisfaction with life in general. Sometimes I think society defines rest only as a lounge on a beach by clear blue waters or doing anything restful to your heart's content.  I think you find rest by training yourself to rest, even amidst chaos.  Which, ironically, takes a lot of practice and work.  This is what I think I've been better at doing in the last few years.  People may see me out and about, running around doing many jobs, but if I train myself to rest my mind or to enjoy myself doing those jobs, I achieve a great balance.  So, like Tom Brokaw or some other famous newscaster used to say, "where ever you are, be there." When you work, really work.  When you play, really play.  If you figure our how to make work play, you're blessed, or you've blessed yourself.
• I find the best way to rest your mind while working is to focus on the positive points or results of a job. Be positive.  Find the silver lining. How will this benefit me?  How will this benefit others?  There are always good things find. 

So, as you see, I've had a lot of time to think about this.  It's good to write it down.  It's probably more than you want to read though. So, I'm not in a hurry to get back to a rushed life.  Now is a time to rest and I'm able to do so thanks to so many good people who have helped in all sorts of ways.  The new school year is around the corner and I'm starting to think about all that comes with that.  But, I'll have you know that I've already said 'no' to one volunteer job because after working and resting I'm becoming more familiar with a good balance.  I hope that lasts! I suspect I'll have times in the future when I over schedule myself, but I'm glad I've had this epiphany and have written it down so I can come back to it and get perspective again.