Product Names and the Laundry Room Garbage

I bought a pair of pantyhose yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking. Wait, I do. My legs are not lovely suntan legs. They are white and freckly. Who made pantyhose anyway? Probably the same MAN that invented high heeled shoes.

The hose are a brand that has been around for a while, but the name struck me as funny: "No Nonsense." What does that mean? No nonsense when it comes to making your legs look tannish? No nonsense trying to make your tummy flatter? No nonsense because wearing panty hose is sensical? No nonsense because I make sure to use the bathroom before church so I don't have to go while I'm there and try to get those darn pantyhose up again without grunting in the women's bathroom? Really.

While I'm on the subject of weird product names, ponder on these names of deodrant:

Suave (bad cover-up), Secret (everyone does it), Ban (if only), Sure (of what exactly?), Dry Idea (but it's only an idea?), Lady Speed Stick (has nothing to do with b.o., could be a baseball bat for all we know), Degree (is there a certain degree at which you start perspiring and why don't they tell us), and one called Kiss My Face (because direction away from the armpit is needed).

Now, let's talk about happy meal toys. I cannot figure out why these toy makers think they are scoring points with parents when they include KAZOOS in their happy meals!!!! Or toys that repeat the same sound over and over and over and over again. Stupid Shrek Pinocchio character: "I'll never be a real boy!" Toymakers need to consider that these meals are often purchased while on road trips. I refuse to take that kind of punishment and despite my passion for recycling anything, I will just toss these toys into the garbage with no remorse whatsoever.

I can't figure out if the latest toy from a happy meal is good or bad or just plain worthless. CD's with music and dancing instructions from "So, You Think You Can Dance." My mind goes blank. That must mean it's worthless. I can't even think of a wise crack about it because it's just plain dumb. These CDs will be a great addition to the CDs I have hanging in my garden to scare off the birds. Yes, I'm psycho and that will be the subject of a different post. Then there was the microphone that came with the American Idol Happy Meal and the small radio that played the same snippet of the same annoying song. That was a year ago - and I still remember the tune.

It's a good thing my kids never check the laundry room garbage can.

Best happy meal toy award goes to Wendy's. A year ago they put Magic Treehouse books on CD's in the meals. Two thumbs up from me!

I Couldn't Have Known. . .

Before marriage, a women tends to wonder if the man she is dating will be a good husband and father. The only thing she has to base this on is her experience with her father and other male influences. There are all sorts of ambiguous qualifications for a future husband and father of her children: must have sense of humor, must be kind, must communicate well, must like children, must like Star Wars, etc., etc. I don't know how many lists like this I made with girlfriends in high school and college ranging from extremely specific to roll-your-eyes silly. I suppose it's OK to be ambiguous because there's at least a little direction, plus there really is no other option because how can a woman really know what bringing a new baby into the world will do to her and her husband until it happens. For instance:

I couldn't have known. . . how wonderfully involved Mark would be in taking care of basic baby needs: changing diapers, feeding, rocking to sleep, cleaning up throw up, sucking snot out with the blue bobble of death, bathing.

I couldn't have known . . . the powerful feelings that come when I watch Mark teaching our boys correct principles and morals.

I couldn't have known. . . that Mark would not talk down to the boys, but maintain the same vocabulary with them that he does with his clients (though maybe a little less about C-corps and S-corps).

I couldn't have known . . . the utter joy of a whole family laughing together - even over bodily functions!

I couldn't have known . . . how passionately Mark feels about providing the necessities for his family, but not overindulging.

I couldn't have known. . . how much of his happiness comes from opening the door after coming home from work to boys ready to be with him.

I couldn't have known. . . the look on Mark's face when one of our sons touches his heart in some way or another.

There are so many other wonderful things I've discovered about Mark while parenting with him!

I realize of course that there is a flip side to this and that there are a lot of things that we couldn't have known that lead to spouse and parental hardship and we are not immune to these. But the hardships are tempered with the wonderful surprises which makes us fulfilled. I am not saying that I have the best husband in all the world, who is the best father in all the world (there is only One of those). But, he is the best for me and the best for our children and I don't compare him to others, because you have the best for you (hopefully).

Thanks for being the best Dad for our three boys, Mark!