Product Names and the Laundry Room Garbage

I bought a pair of pantyhose yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking. Wait, I do. My legs are not lovely suntan legs. They are white and freckly. Who made pantyhose anyway? Probably the same MAN that invented high heeled shoes.

The hose are a brand that has been around for a while, but the name struck me as funny: "No Nonsense." What does that mean? No nonsense when it comes to making your legs look tannish? No nonsense trying to make your tummy flatter? No nonsense because wearing panty hose is sensical? No nonsense because I make sure to use the bathroom before church so I don't have to go while I'm there and try to get those darn pantyhose up again without grunting in the women's bathroom? Really.

While I'm on the subject of weird product names, ponder on these names of deodrant:

Suave (bad cover-up), Secret (everyone does it), Ban (if only), Sure (of what exactly?), Dry Idea (but it's only an idea?), Lady Speed Stick (has nothing to do with b.o., could be a baseball bat for all we know), Degree (is there a certain degree at which you start perspiring and why don't they tell us), and one called Kiss My Face (because direction away from the armpit is needed).

Now, let's talk about happy meal toys. I cannot figure out why these toy makers think they are scoring points with parents when they include KAZOOS in their happy meals!!!! Or toys that repeat the same sound over and over and over and over again. Stupid Shrek Pinocchio character: "I'll never be a real boy!" Toymakers need to consider that these meals are often purchased while on road trips. I refuse to take that kind of punishment and despite my passion for recycling anything, I will just toss these toys into the garbage with no remorse whatsoever.

I can't figure out if the latest toy from a happy meal is good or bad or just plain worthless. CD's with music and dancing instructions from "So, You Think You Can Dance." My mind goes blank. That must mean it's worthless. I can't even think of a wise crack about it because it's just plain dumb. These CDs will be a great addition to the CDs I have hanging in my garden to scare off the birds. Yes, I'm psycho and that will be the subject of a different post. Then there was the microphone that came with the American Idol Happy Meal and the small radio that played the same snippet of the same annoying song. That was a year ago - and I still remember the tune.

It's a good thing my kids never check the laundry room garbage can.

Best happy meal toy award goes to Wendy's. A year ago they put Magic Treehouse books on CD's in the meals. Two thumbs up from me!