I'm not saying we've only given our kids sticks and rocks to play with and sometimes we have gone overboard on buying (as our bottom basement verifies), but there are things that we have been especially strict about: namely screen time and all things associated with it. We have many reasons, and there are many studies regarding screen time supporting our reasons, which I won't go into here, but because of our strong feelings about the affects of video games and such, we have held off on giving out kids cell phones, iPods, iPads and such. We are in the minority, as our kids report to us often, i.e. "but ALL of our friends have cell phones!" We of course knew we could not keep them away from devices forever and know that they will be useful tools, so we devised a plan for the boys to earn the privilege to have an iPod touch. We wanted them to earn it because we want them to respect it and respect themselves for working hard for it. So, here's the plan:
If you live in the Astling household and are in Jr. High, you can earn an iPod touch if you receive straight A's (including A-)for three terms straight. Mark likes to call this the carrot approach, as opposed to the stick approach.
We are the meanest parents in the world.
But, we wouldn't set this standard if we didn't know the boys could do it and in Jr. High, they need the motivation to figure out how to begin good study habits before they hit high school.
Spencer took the challenge. We at first had to use the stick approach by taking distractions away (books), and by doing so he achieved straight A's in one term (last Spring). He was so proud of himself for getting straight A's and felt very satisfied that he was capable of straight A's and confident that he could do it again, now that he knew what it took. He was rewarded with a dinner at Chuck-A-Rama, his favorite place to eat out.
His second term he was so close to straight A's (two B+), that Mark told him he would accept this term IF he could for sure get straight A's for the third term. Spencer worked very hard during the third term. If grades dipped, he made sure to talk with teachers about the reasons and get extra credit if he needed to. The end of the term was in January on a Friday, but final grades were not posted until the following Tuesday. There are two ways to look up grades at our Jr. High: you can log on to the student account and grades show up on the first page and then there is a link at the side that shows final report card grades.
That Friday, Spencer went on a scout winter camp (Klondike), and returned home Saturday morning. right when Spencer returned home, he ran in the house to look up his grades. We were all outside unloading the camp trailer, when we heard a huge bellow from inside the house followed by Spencer running outside yelling, "I did it! I did it!' After congratulating him on a job well done, we looked at the computer together. He did indeed have straight A's on the student account page, but when we looked up the final report card, his science teacher had given him a B+.
Balloon popped. Parade rained on.
Spencer wrote to his science teacher asking her to please change the grade on the report card. I sent her an email too, asking for her to explain the discrepancy. She did not respond on Saturday. Or on Sunday. Or on Monday. Through multiple conversations we helped Spencer understand that it was out of his control now and to just be patient.
The kids were out of school for Martin Luther Kind Jr. Day, so we decided to go meet Dad for lunch down town at their second favorite restaurant: Crown Burger. As I was walking into Crown Burger, I had the feeling that I shouldn't be waiting for a response from the teacher, but that I should check the report card again. I discreetly checked the report card on my phone. I passed the phone over to Mark to take a look. Spencer saw Dad crack a smile. "What, Dad?" "Are those my grades?!?!" "Did it change?!?!?" We pass the phone to Spencer. He does a happy dance in the booth seat.
Balloon inflated. Parade on.
After lunch we went directly to the Apple Store to purchase an iPod touch for one happy straight A student. You may wonder (as did the helpful apple store associate) why we just didn't go with an iPhone. My kids go to school within a block of where we live and I go to nearly all sporting events with them, they don't need a phone for that reason, and phones are much more expensive, along with including them in a plan. And really, they boys just want to play games on their own handheld device. I'm sure a phone is in the future when it becomes necessary, but for now this is a good in-between step. So here he is with his new precious:
And here is his first selfie (which is technically a groupie):
And his second selfie/groupie:
Since then we've had to lay down a few rules, but he has been very responsible with his use and makes sure it is put away until he finishes daily jobs and requirements. He's learned a couple of things like: you should not send texts to people that say only this: "Will you please take a survey for me?" Sorry Uncle Dave and Stephen for freaking you out about being hacked! Hopefully you needed a password change up anyway. And that texting friend is great, but sometimes pointless.
Spencer, we are so happy that you are happy about owning an iPod. But we are more happy that you know what you are capable of when you put your mind to it. May you always remember these two lessons: 1) You can do anything with determination, patience, good communication and hard work and 2) What will you have to look forward to if you get everything you want?
We love you!
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